"When we write Facebook statuses or tweets or make comments about how we’re disappointed in Rihanna, about how she’s thoughtless or weak or somehow personally sabotaging The Feminist Cause by reuniting with Chris Brown, even professionally, we’re letting all the people in our life know that if they’re victims or survivors of abuse we’ll judge them for their choices. We will think them weak for staying in an abusive relationship or for reuniting with a once-abusive partner. We are letting them know that once they are abused, that’s all they are in our eyes. They are no longer a complex person with many feelings, motivations, desires, fears and considerations; now, they are just a poster child for How To Be an Abuse Survivor. And if they don’t live up to that prescriptive paragon of performative womanly strength — particularly compulsory for women of color — they’ve somehow failed. They’ve not only failed themselves, but us, their friends and family and the rest of the world and any young people who look up to them."

Elise Nagy, “Bruises and Birthday Cake: What We Talk About When We Talk About Rihanna and Chris Brown”, In Our Words (via trenchantashell

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